She hated me for reading books

I'm so excited on Monday since we will be celebrating our 3rd mothsary. It compelled me to lurk with too much pride four bookstores looking for a book entitled "Where is God when it hurts" by Philip Yancey. At first, I was a bit frustrated since I could not find the book I was looking for. Good thing is I found it and with eyes glistening, I said a little silent prayer hoping that the book would help her rise above her situation. Well, I believed I was the most ideal guy that time thinking about his girlfriend's sake.

It was late in the afternoon when she called. And I could sense her longing to see me albeit her attempt to hide her emotions. I told her I bought a book just for her. My expectation of her being happy with what I did just gave me a heartache that I could not forget for the rest of my life. How could an angel break my heart, I recalled from a song's lyrics and that was exactly what I felt. My dreams for her shattered when she told me that I wasted time and money since she's not fond of reading books. Well, to avoid tension between us, I told her that it's ok if she'll never read the book. It was my mothsary gift for her and knowing that she will receive the present can calm my heart. But I was wrong. The next lines from her allowed an airplane to land on my head. She told me that reading books are just for intelligent and nerd people.

"It's my gift for you", I replied.

Without even the notion that she will hurt my feelings, she uttered  a line that changed my perspective of giving gifts to her.

"I'd rather go out with my barkada than read that book."

Ouch! I said.

She even told me that we're not perfect for each other since we do not share the same likes and dislikes. I controlled my emotion and said, "Ok, I will not give it to you. I will give it to someone else."

I breathed in. The deepest I could as if my lungs will gonna explode along with my heart. Why is it that she's so harsh to me?, I questioned myself. With much disappointment, I told her that I never felt love by the way she replied to me.

She doesn't know how to appreciate gifts. She even told me that she's not serious with her life unlike me with dreams and aspirations in life. This is too hard! I loved her and look what she did to me!

There are much more to say but I can't talk anymore. I don't wanna destroy her name to many that's the reason why I will just write on my blog my heartaches and disappointments.

Last thing I knew, we broke up. God... I hope I can survive this thing!

Catch 22

After breathing in and making my lungs half-full, I closed my eyes for a while and held my head tightly to think of something to do. This was the moment I feared the most. I never got to tell anyone about my problems and everything that bothers me and I lavishly and extravagantly cried without a single tear falling.

The silence was deafening while I was inside my room. I could only hear the sound of the random cars unidentified approaching from time to time. I worried about the coming days. I worried about my decisions and moves the moment I'm caught in between two large choices. The decisions will eventually change my life.

While lost in the sea of confusion, I managed to turn on the light just to improve my room's view. Without any hesitation, I slept with the lights turned on. I haven't done this for such a long time.